


You But Not You

by demeter11



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Awkward Kissing, F/M, Fingering, Forbidden Love, Gen, Interracial Relationship, Jealous Carl Grimes, Kissing, Love the one you are with, Making Out, Older Woman/Younger Man, Star-crossed, Tragic Romance, Unrequited Love, teenaged marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 09:03:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10533231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demeter11/pseuds/demeter11
Summary: This a one shot that takes place the night of the welcoming party for the Pharoahs.Michonne gives Carl some advice.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place before chapter 15 of Out to Get You.

Almost three weeks before.  
It was an hour or two before the welcome party. Carl had just gotten dressed for it. Jagadamba had him an all black ensemble. She even talked him into letting Suchin pierce his ear.  
He was currently alone in her house. He was getting ready to step out when he saw Michonne coming up the walk through a crack in the curtain.  
She had on make up and her dreads had been styled and curled. She had on a slinky royal blue sundress with a split going up her right leg and three inch ankle straps.  
He thought she was more stunning than usual. He opened the door before she could knock on it.  
"Hey. I see she made you dress up, too," she said with eyes bright with admiration.  
"Yeah," he said sheepishly.  
"I was about to leave," he finished.  
"Rick and I had left together about twenty minutes ago. They had started playing. I noticed you weren't there yet. You are missing a good show," Michonne said walking past him to sit on the couch.  
She wanted to talk to him. They hadn't spoken alone in weeks. Either Rick or Jagadamba were always around.  
"She told me to come a little late. Something about making an entrance. Was Enid there?"  
"Yes. She had on tight black dress. She has the cutest little figure. Her clothes are always so baggy. Very pretty girl."  
"She is."  
"Have you seen Jagadamba's outfit. She got dressed in my house."  
He shook his head no.  
"It is so MTV," Michonne's eyes got big.  
He smiled something fierce because he knew what she had on.  
It was a red, low cut micro mini kimono dress with a black leather corset outside it. She had on flower patterned fishnets and red, jeweled Dolce and Gabbana go-go boots she found in some boutique in South Carolina. She looked like what she was supposed to have been a pop queen.  
"I picked it out. She looks hot, right?"  
"Yes," Michonne micro-pouted. Somehow, he noticed.  
"You look hot, too. I mean, you look different in a good way," he said smiling shyly.  
"Oh, I thank you. You look nice, too. The black is a nice contrast. You almost look grown. Your dad's gonna have a shit fit about that earring though," she was having a whole array of sexy thoughts about the young man.  
"I do not plan on keeping it. It doesn't hurt per se. But, I am aware it is there. I do not like it. Do you like it?"  
"A little. Between that and the eye, you have a bit of bad boy thing going," she exaggerated.  
His face was far too sweet to ever read bad boy. Mischievous as fuck, yeah. Bad boy, he needed some more mileage, height and girth before that would happen.  
"Fine. I will keep it then. So, you excited?" He asked not able to take his eye off her.  
"A little. I mean they are playing live music. I haven't heard live music in forever. I almost forgot Achilles plays ten instruments and she can play five. He is a hellion on the drums. She does mean things to a piano. She would have gave Alicia Keys and Lady Gaga run for their money."  
"She was always an overachiever. I like that about her. She doesn't half do anything."  
"My brother was, too.They get all their musical talent from Bush. I don't have a tap. Have you heard Bigelow and his sister play? They are really talented, too. I watched them practice during the past week," she said looking at him indirectly.  
"Bigelow said before his father was a sociopathic child rapist, he was a world class musician. He taught them how to play and sing. Apparently, when Big was in the Military, he was in the choir and the band. Sister had early acceptance into Julliard.  
He taught Jagadamba, too. He was her voice and vocal coach."  
"What blows my mind is. She knew him. Thought he was a friend. That is the most horrific part. Someone she trusted did this to her. That means he had been harboring those sick fantasies about her for years."  
"It is fucked up."  
Then they got awkwardly silent. This had just been their longest conversation in weeks.  
After five minutes, he put his hand on her exposed leg to get her attention. He always wanted to touch her bare leg.  
"So, how are things going with my Dad?" He asked not really caring but unable to think of another question.  
"Good. You and my niece?"  
"Awesome. Real awesome."  
"You are dating Enid, too, right?"  
"Jagadamba's idea. Not mine."  
"Oh. How progressive of her."  
"I would rather it just be the two of us. I love Enid but I am not in love with her. I thought I was. How horrible does that make me?"  
"It doesn't. You are being honest with yourself. Most can't say that."  
"She is a lot like you," he said quickly touching one of her braids out her face then moving his hand.  
"Enid?" She joked feeling the tension mount between them.  
He laughed, "Uh, no. Jagadamba. You have the same dark, pretty eyes, too."  
She felt a little uncomfortable but replied, "Oh, thanks. The black makes your eye look bluer and your skin dewier. You are so man pretty."  
He blushed, "I am not."  
"Your not thinking so makes you cuter. Your dad's the same way."  
"Yeah. I don't, don't want to talk about him. I was being polite before."  
"Fair enough."  
Two minutes passed before he said sweetly, "I miss you."  
"I miss you, too."  
"What do you want to do about that?"  
"Hang out," she said.  
"Me, too. I had almost forgotten that before everything you were my best friend. I have no one to really talk with about this. So much has happened to me."  
"It has. And you are mine, too. I still haven't told Rick the whole story about my son. Only you know that."  
"Wow. I am honored."  
"You should be."  
"I am in love," he said smiling.  
"Aww. I know. So is she," she subconsciously sneered about the fact.  
"Good. I guess I have you to thank. I never would've went for it without you."  
WIllfully incredulous, she asked, "How so?"  
Feeling the need to confess, he said, "My feelings for you made me want to reach out. I had to get past the hurt. I wanted to literally die every time I saw him touch or kiss you or make you laugh or smile. Sometimes, it still hurts. Which is crazy irrational because I have her now. Them. But, even that is still about you."  
"But, you knew her before me. Maybe, it was her you saw in me. Same eyes, right?" She wanted this thing to be over between him and her.  
She knew it would not lead to any place good. Or maybe it would. That idea scared her more because the sheer amount of hearts it would surely break.  
"You two are also built the same way," he said unabashedly looking her up and down.  
She blushed.  
He continued, "I have thought about that. Maybe it is true to a certain degree. But, she is here and how I feel about you has not went anywhere."  
"Carl, stop. Okay. I thought we were past this," she sighed hiding her face.  
"No. I told you I would not abandon how I feel about you. I have been pushing it down like I said I would. I want it to go away. But, today, this week. Seeing you like this. I wish," he cut himself off.  
"Carl-"  
"Enid and losing my sorta virginity was the first step. Then Jagadamba falls out the sky. I was already, in love with with her but when I found out she was your niece. My God! I felt like maybe He is really real and saw my pain and decided to ease it. She does for the most part. As crazy as I am about her and I am in love with her. She is you but not you. She is not you. I am not settling by a long shot. If anyone is, she is. Both of them are better than me. You are better than me," he said.  
"I am not better than anyone. Neither are they. We all love you."  
Carl let out a small weary sigh before taking Michonne by surprise and kissing her dead on her lips. She did not kiss him back.  
Carl pulled away in tears.  
"I am so stupid. You don't want me. I get it. Forgive me," he got up.  
She pulled him back down by his belt with a lover's desperation. Carl was shocked but delighted. And woefully confused.  
Before he could say a word, she was on his lap and facing him.  
She pulled his head back then leaned into him and kissed him deeply. So much so, they were inhaling the other's breath and there was a string of saliva between them when she pulled away from him.  
She was about to speak, when he beat her to the punch.  
"Let me guess. This is as far as it goes?"  
She smirked remembering the first time they made out.  
He pulled her back in hungrily. She moaned into his mouth when she felt his hand gently squeeze her right breast while the other rested on her bare leg.  
The heat from between her legs radiated onto his. His dick was acting like a prisoner locked in a dungeon desperately trying to get out. It was twitching so hard it hurt.  
Brazen, he slid this hand up her thigh. He put his hand on top of her panties where he knew her clit should be. He rubbed counterclockwise. She hunched against him keeping her hands on his shoulders. It felt good.  
Five minutes, she was close to coming when he moved the crotch of her panties aside before going for his fly. sultrily said, "Let me."  
Michonne came crashing back down to Earth.  
Stupid morality, she thought.  
She got off him. Actual sex was taking it a step too far in the right direction.  
He scoffed and said, "I wondered how long it would take you to reject me."  
"This is reckless. I can't do this with you. Not you. Carl, you got to stop this. We both do. It is unhealthy and wrong," she said looking straight down at the imprint of the erection he was not trying to conceal.  
"I got up. You grabbed me. I was leaving. Just like the first time. Why?"  
"It's just that you deserve someone who's not me. I am too much for you. You can barely handle Jag and she only has two days on you. I have thirteen years."  
"So. Priyanka is thirteen years older than Achilles. They have been together three years. They just had a kid."  
She mocked, "And that is working out so well for them. Not the best example, Carl."  
"Okay, fine. Maybe not. But, at least they are trying. Priyanka may be a horrible human being and worse big sister but at least she gave him a shot. But, you keep leading me on."  
"I don't. Okay, I just did. But, you always make the first move."  
"True. But, so. You could let me flee. You always pull me back in or you let me. You give me hope. That is not fair."  
"I will never let you go. I never said I didn't feel for you. I have too much baggage. Shit, you have no idea about."  
"And I don't? I am in pain all the time. Only time I don't feel it is when I am," he quit talking and teared up again.  
"Is when what?"  
"I am with you or Jagadamba. I just feel better. Life seems not so dark."  
She sat back down beside him.  
"You make me feel better, too. I get it."  
"No, you don't because if you did. We wouldn't be talking right now," he sniffed his fingers. She smelled musky and sweet.  
She did not say anything.  
He wiped his eye and sighed.  
"I love you whether you want me to or not. It is not up to you."  
"I love you, too. But, anything other than friendship, we can't."  
Insulted, he said, "You weren't worried about my friendship when I making you come "  
"There is no need to be vulgar. You are better than that."  
"I don't get you. You say you like me the way I like you. But you are with my dad."  
"And you're with my niece. So?"  
"I am just saying if you decided right now, you wanted to be with me, I would dump them both and face whatever wrath my dad threw our way. Or better still, we could just go. I would miss Judith but, she is young enough not to remember me. As long as I have you. I could live with just about anything. I will take care of you. Give you another baby if you want to. I kinda want to. Be a dad, I mean-"  
"Carl, I-" She wanted to run out the room. But, didn't. She did not realize Carl had overheard an argument she and Rick had about his not wanting another child at the moment eventhough she was ready to nest.  
Much to her chagrin, the idea did not offend. She was touched he thought so much of her.  
"Or you can tell me how to do it," he pouted.  
"Do what?" She grunted.  
"Get over you. I don't think I can. What do I do?" He was sincere. He did not know who else to ask.  
Straight to the point, she said, "Commit fully to someone else. Make up your mind. That is what is what I did. It worked until tonight."  
She stood and walked over to the mirror on the living room wall. She pulled bright red lipstick and face powder from her bra and reapplied them while he pondered what she said.  
He sat there. It took a minute for it to dawn on him what she meant.  
"Wait. You are with my dad because you can't be with me?"  
She said nothing. Nor did she look his way leaving out the door.  
"Is she talking about me?" He asked himself.  
He got up and ran after her.  
"Is she talking about me?" He asked himself.  
He got up and ran after her.  
She kept walking. He caught up with her. He put his hand on his shoulder. She shook him off. They were close to the big house and the music was clearly heard.  
She turned to him and said, "Someone one who isn't me. She is better than both of us. She is as good as it gets. Don't lose her."  
He knew she meant Jagadamba.  
He said nothing but decided to obey.  
Five hours passed.  
He asked Jagadamba to meet him alone by the gazebo. He proposed to her there. She squealed and agreed.  
Three hours later.  
They had consummated an hour before and she was asleep on his chest. He was wide awake. On one hand, he couldn't possibly be happier. She was his wife now. A near guarantee that he would never have to be by himself again.  
On the other, he knew he would never have Michonne. And that was damn near unacceptable. So, her kin would absolutely have to do.  
"I love you," she cooed half sleep and kissing his chin.  
He paused for a moment.  
He moved her hair out of her face and said, "I will always love you, too. No matter what."


End file.
